Friday, July 10, 2026.

Hewo hewo my darlings, we made it to friday! Hooray! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ yaay! Aint that great?,,

Well,, atleast ill have two whole days from which to rest from work,, and oh dear do i want them because i am tired,, um,, not that i am too busy throughout the week anyway,, since my job is at partial time i just do 4 hours per day,, so like,, im certain i could do much more than that and not be tired, and yet i somehow am..
Uhh,, yeah,, („• ֊ •„) i think im struggling to redact my day here,, i am in a lil of a low mood,, but not because of the blog ofc! I do genuenly likey writting about my day and share it with everyone even as of now, although deep down i have a feeling that i look ridiculous talking like the way i talk all the time („– ֊ –„)... I just,, i don't know,, i've grown bored of myself, most of what i do all day during my free time is talk to myself within my mind, processing feelings, endlessly replaying the same memories in a loop, both good and bad ones aswell to my life as a whole.. I guess that what i'm trying to say is that i feel lonely.

I've tried, so many times in so many ways to overcome the whole nature, and my need to socialize at all, for it is a need that is not always reliably available. Sometimes when i most want someone to listen to me, to help me remember who am i, to reassure me that i exist, or maybe just, tell me that i am important to this life. And that someone that i might so bad want might not be available for me for whatever reason it is.
So with how depending i've come to be in the company of people, i've tried to fully overcome that need, which naturally didn't work at all because we humans, for better or for worse are social creatures and its hardcoded within our biochemistry to want to form bonds and be part of conversations from time to time. Some people need more and some people need less, but one could hardly ever be in full isolation without the mind weighting them down, which is what has taken me long to realize...
And yet, while i sit with that reality and awknolodgement, atleast until i opened Spotties to the public i could just do,, very little about it. To make a big effort on my happiness has always seemed like a viable path,, and yet,, i have refused to do so, for i don't have the faith on myself to hold a strong grip to work towards acchieving something positive for myself when i am so tired in the first place,, that i just choose the most probably deceiving and common option, being passive about it, hoping and praying that i would be saved from this tragically-long boredom.

( ω-、) Thank you dear reader, yours whos existance i am uncertain of, but that i still wish to hold on the belief that you indeed are somewhere, somehow choosing to read my stupid nonsense over anything else likely to be way more interesting than this, i am thankful for your attention. Until next time.

❤︎ Ashley.